A common challenge at college was knowing how and what to share about my chronic condition. College is different than previous social situations because living with peers is often necessary. Because of how much Crohn's affects my personal life, telling people like roommates or close friends was unavoidable. Accommodations given by the school made my differences even more obvious.
In my situation, I was assigned a handicap room because it had a fridge to store my medicine and a private bathroom. Whenever people would come to my room; I had to explain why I was assigned it. This was difficult at first because I was not used to sharing so much about this part of my life. Despite reassurance from friends, I couldn't help but think that people were making assumptions about me.
As my relationship with Crohn's progressed, sharing became even more complicated. I did not want people to feel bad for me but, at the same time, Crohn's became such a huge part of my life that it was almost impossible to avoid the subject. I was scared that people would think I was attention seeking or wanted to be pitied. This often deterred me from sharing many details with people and when I did I almost always felt regret.
I noticed this conflict was especially apparent when I was developing new relationships. I had a constant fear that if I told them too much about my struggle they would want to run away. As I was actively dealing with the impacts of Crohn's like anxiety, depression, insomnia, chronic pain, poor appetite, weight loss, and invasive treatments; these things were always on my mind. There were several instances where I cultivated a new friendship and the relationship failed to progress after we got to know each other a little bit. Afterwards, I could not help but assume that they didn't want to be around me because of my illness. I felt that struggling mentally and physically in these ways did not make for attractive qualities. In reality, there were other circumstances that caused this distancing but I couldn't get it out of my mind.
The nature of chronic conditions make them very difficult to keep a secrete. Still, I feel conflicted about what is too much to share and what isn't. I want to be proud and confident sharing about myself unapologetically. Unfortunately, this is not very realistic to expect. It is important to remember that if someone is not empathetic towards your struggle with a chronic condition; they are not worth your time.
The easiest way to share about a disability is to be very matter of fact. Explain the condition in a simple way that addresses why certain things are harder for you. For example, if I was meeting someone new and showing them my room at school I could say "I have Crohn's which is an inflammatory bowel disease. It affects my bathroom habits so I have my own bathroom to help manage my symptoms." This lets them know a little bit about the disease and explains the practicality of the accommodation. There isn't one specific way to go about sharing about a chronic condition but this is an easy one to start with.
Chronic conditions are often difficult for others to understand when they are not experiencing them. Explaining simple facts can ease the process and help shed light on the practical implications of your illness without oversharing. Again, there is not one way to do this. If you feel comfortable sharing; it is great to have friends who understand the complexities of your struggle. Despite stigmas surrounding many chronic illnesses, most people are willing to listen and be compassionate.
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